210. Best Friends 🥂
Do you have a best friend at work?
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Hi there 👋
This week’s email is inspired by the amazing people I got to meet and work with at Buffer. I’ll try not to get too mushy, but I loved, loved, loved them all. I have a sneaky suspicion we’ll find each other again some day at some new place. Building a team at Polly has been exciting and rewarding because I have the hope that my circle of great people will just keep expanding — just as it has with all the cool folks who subscribe here and reach out. Speaking of, please do feel free to reach out anytime, even if just to say hi.
Wishing you a great week,
Kevan
Do you have a best friend at work?
When I talk to people about leaving Buffer (a place I had worked for six years — a.k.a ages in startup time), one of the most common questions I hear is …
“What was the hardest part about deciding to leave?”
It was the people.
The relationships.
My best friends.
I feel very fortunate to have been close to so many people at Buffer. It doesn’t always happen that way at work, especially when you’re fully remote. I was fortunate to make friends via Slack handles and Zoom windows without seeing some coworkers for more than 10 days in person, total, ever!
I am incredibly grateful to the friends of mine who took the Buffer journey with me (hi friends, if you’re reading this!).
As a people manager, I’ve spent a lot of time learning about what makes cohesive teams. Teams that stick together. Teams that belong together. Teams that win together. For my teams, I try to create an environment built on trust, respect, and affirmation (more here).
But how do you know that you’ve built a team the way you wish?
There’s a survey for that. (Ha, there’s a survey for everything it seems.)
My go-to survey is the Gallup Q12 Survey, otherwise known as the Strength of the Workplace Survey. You can get a free template here.
It’s 12 yes/no questions (I add an “other” option for people to elaborate). It’s based on a ton of research by the Gallup people. I try to ask it of my team every six months, anonymously. Ideally, you’re striving for more and more “yes” answers over time.
Do you see a question in there that kind of sticks out from the rest?
Yep, it’s the “best friends” one.
“Do you have a best friend at work?“
There have been a lot of articles written about this question.
Here’s what the Gallup people have to say about it. (They’re the ones who wrote the Strength of the Workplace survey.)
The Lighthouse blog is in favor of it:
Having a best friend at work can be very cathartic. Many times, we just want to feel heard and no one listens as well as a friend.
Harvard Business Review says it’s a mixed bag but ultimately a good idea:
While some people will always be hesitant to make friends at work, for these or other reasons, social connection is a basic human need. All friendships have hard moments. Work friendships just have different ones.
Culture Amp is … less enthusiastic.
If you really want to ask whether your workplace fosters close relationships, try asking these questions:
My manager encourages us to treat each other as friends
There is at least one person I can speak to openly and honestly here
I truly value the relationships I’ve developed here (or in my team)
I feel close enough to people here to feel comfortable
When I ask the Strengths of the Workplace Survey, I include the best friends question, but I don’t agonize over the responses if some come back negative. I see it as a data point worth watching. I want my teammates to feel connected to each other and to feel trust and security that they can share challenges and celebrate successes together. Oftentimes, this means friendships. But it doesn’t always have to.
Where this question becomes extra relevant is when people leave. Did one of your people just lose one of their people? It’s probably worth checking in with them. Have you ever lost a work friend to a new job? It makes an impact — whether or not you are more likely to leave, you at least have your perspective shift.
Fortunately, there are always opportunities to forge new friendships at work. In my experience, the most important friendships have come from:
Experiencing major work moments together: high highs and/or low lows
Joining a new team or onboarding to the company around the same time
Shared interests outside of work (or in a #watercooler Slack channel)
And these friendships are often cemented through:
Regular, recurring meetups — whether to rap about work or chat about life
Advocating for one another in work settings
Knowing details about the other person’s life and showing an authentic interest
Speaking their language: getting to know what’s important to them and sharing in those things together
One way that we encouraged this at Buffer was through mastermind calls: pairing two teammates / peers who would chat regularly about challenges and successes and encourage each other’s growth. This can be formal or informal. I had the most wonderful friendships in both ways.
And the beauty of best friends at work — especially for remote teams — is that you can stay friends long after you move on. Ultimately, this was what helped me make the leap to a next job.
The Zoom windows stay the same. And the best friends stay best friends. :)
About this newsletter …
Each week, I share playbooks, case studies, stories, and links from inside the startup marketing world. If you enjoy what’s in this newsletter, you can share some love by hitting the heart button at the top or bottom.💙
About Kevan
I’m a marketing exec who specializes in startup marketing and brand-building. I currently lead the marketing team at Polly (we’re hiring!). I previously built brands at Buffer and Vox.
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